Trainerannette’s Blog

  • 04:15:03 pm on March 9, 2010 | 2
    Tags: ,

    Seriously, this past Sunday was an invitation to all the victims, all the boo-hoo’ers and complainers on the planet.

    The pity party was for me.

    See, for the last 2 years I have been living on my own, the first time ever.

    Yeah, I got married at 23, (after knowing the guy for 5 minutes–okay, 1 week, really!), lived in the married house until I left in 2000.

    I finally filed for divorce in 2005 I think (what took me so long anyway??), sat on it for no real reason, and finally got legally divorced this past Jan 28th!

    And finally moved out in 2008 because….

    The ex agreed to pay my rent, right? And then he decided he’d come around, whenever it was “good for him” to come around and drop me some cash, which usually meant beyond the deadline date making rent “late.”

    I was welcomed almost monthly with 3-day pay or quit notices on my door, (boy that always feels good), and then there he’d come on day 5 with rent, expecting to be praised for saving the day.

    So why didn’t the court order him to have it come out of his check and avoid all the drama, you ask?

    Because he refused to sign anything that attached him to anything thus, the cash payments, and me leaving with just my fabulous name, Padilla!

    I allowed this late pattern to continue while I rested in the “comfort” of believing he’d come through monthly, and I worked with less drive for creation because I didn’t “have to,” I was receiving rent so, no problem.

    But this time I chose to wait for his “saving the day” for 1.5 months. It involved 32 “I’ll call you in a bit and we’ll get rent done” texts, (yeah really), 6 “I’m not close to you right now, I’ll call you back as soon as my tire is fixed,” phone calls, 11 more texts that said “I’m in church about 2 miles from you and I’ll call you when I’m done and we’ll get rent paid,” and 1 voice mail that said, “I’ll meet you at Outback for the exchange, I’ll call you as soon as I get there.”

    And no, he didn’t show.

    Well the “comfort” of the follow through of all these messages didn’t happen.

    Notice I quoted “comfort?”

    It was no comfort at all, and what I really was creating was an acceptable pattern of “lack.”

    Fast forward to now.

    Today is Tuesday March 9th.

    I had plans to go to San Diego this weekend for a trainer conference.

    HAD.

    But instead I am moving out of my place.

    The place that I love, the place that brought me warmth and comfort.

    Because I chose to accept a pattern of complacency and lack, and rent is still not paid.

    Yep, I’m going back to Canfield Dr.

    And coming to terms with me allowing myself to accept all this crap, along with making peace of leaving to go back home again meant feeling like an a$$ and beating myself up with all the mental chatter.

    And my buddy Grey Goose was there every step of the way.

    After giving myself the gift of the pity party however, (3 hours), I woke up the next day and made a decision.

    Its time to cut the bulls**t and focus on MY behavior.

    So I did. Here’s what I’m doing:

    1. I’m taking 21 days and removing the habit of the ex-period. All thoughts of “maybe there IS good in him,” etc., etc., etc., are not for me to entertain anymore. I’m sure there IS good there, but that’s not for me to wonder about or hope for, as it keeps me connected to him. It doesn’t serve me.

    2. Going to get to what I’ve been “meaning to get to” for the past 8 months–and actually DO it. It’s new marketing stuff for training.

    3. Stop being a doormat. You’d think with the way I carry myself and what I project (power, accomplishment, strength), that these things wouldn’t happen, right? (At least that’s what I’ve been told). Well, even Wonder Woman has spots to improve on. 😉

    4. I’ve already checked out the next place I’d like to live in-way cool!

    The points here are:

    • Pity parties are fun
    • They have their time & place
    • But now I’m done with that
    • What can be viewed as failure is not being taken AS failure
    • But rather an opportunity to get my a$$ in another gear and make whatever I want.
    • I’ve always had this opportunity.
    • But got complacent.
    • And now I am exercising my power to redirect my focus.
    • And it’s making me even more awesome than I already am, and creating more opportunities.

    Yeah I threw the best pity party EVER.

    And there’s nothing wrong with throwing the party, daily if you want to.

    But that’s not for me.

    I’m better than that, and I’m happy to share part of my life to convey that message.

    And the results I get are in direct response to my behavior.

    This is another call to action for you.

    Throw the pity party, or find some accountability, ownership and responsibility with yourself and move forward.

    Click here for opportunity #1: http://wp.me/pmtrp-cS

    Click here for opportunity #2: http://wp.me/pmtrp-dP

    You always have a choice.

    Yes you do.

    Annette

    P.S. Focus on the behavior: http://wp.me/pmtrp-cS
    P.S.S. And your results will reflect your exact behavior: http://wp.me/pmtrp-dP

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Comments

  • Rhonda Rogers 4:06 pm on March 10, 2010 | # | Reply

    Although I have yet to meet you in person, I feel like I have. 🙂
    You’re a GREAT person!!!!! Stay strong!!!!!

    Rhonda
    (John’s wife)

  • Theresa 1:01 pm on March 10, 2010 | # | Reply

    Wow! Would have never guessed, by your actions and attitude, that you go through the same thing I do. We both have tendencies to “fake” people out by how we act. In all honesty, that’s how I get through my days sometimes, but now after reading this blog, I know I need to take responsibility for all my actions, especially the fake ones. It continues to make me a “liar” and that in the spirit, is not who I am.

    You’ve given me courage, Annette, and you inspire me to be who I am and not be afraid. I hope you have a sense of spirituality in you as well that gives you the strength I see you exhibit.

    We all make choices that we’re not proud of, but when we’re as strong as you and I can be, we CAN and WILL get beyond them. Move through each day1 You’ve made some astounding steps already, by the decisions and stating them. You now have accountability for those actions, and I know I’ll have the privilege (and blessing) of seeing those benefits by how you act in the future.

    Remember! Words are only worth their weight if they are put into action with all honesty and integrity! Be who you are, Annette!! Be strong and confident and beautiful because that’s how God has made you and I’m blessed to count you as a friend!

    Love you!


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